Learning to Lean In

The past month has been filled with lots of purging. I’ve found myself happy one moment, then sobbing the next. It seems as if I’ve taken ten steps back, even though I haven’t. See… Healing isn’t linear. Healing comes through in layers. I explain it‘s a lot like a onion. Peeling back the layers. We continue to peel while we shed and shed. It’s important that we understand that each step of healing is preparing us for the next level, the next step, the next big thing. I found myself in the I can’t believe I’m here again. The truth is, I have never been in this space.

This is the next level. The next layer of healing, and without all the steps before I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am sitting in a very uncomfortable space. Stretching and getting really raw and truthful with myself. This last weekend, I experienced some family drama. It made me really take a look at where I sat in it. I found myself really protective. Mad! Angry! A Bunch of emotions. Even though I wasn’t directly involved. I noticed I had expectations of others that isn’t their problem. I can only control myself; my reactions, my emotion, my voice, and triggers. Letting go of the control. Its okay to have these emotions, yet my judgement wasn’t fair. These humans involved don’t know any better. How can we expect someone to do something, if they actually don’t know how to do it? Maybe it’s an excuse? Maybe it’s me having compassion for those that haven’t learned. That’s why it’s important to continue to heal. It’s important to know your roll in the story. This is what I learned.

I learned that even though it’s uncomfortable, I don’t have to be involved with certain people when they don‘t show up in the capacity my vibration sits at, that includes; family, friends, and co-workers. I also learned that when people have over booked, too much on their plate, or scared people react. This reaction has nothing to do with me. It’s the ability to release because they feel emotions. Lastly, I learned that it’s important to speak your truth in the right timing. This is the what I’m leaning into. When is it okay to speak up? When is it not worth it? That’s what I’m learning. I’m learning and leaning into that sometimes speaking up is my reaction. Other times, it’s my ability to setup boundaries. Either way, I’m leaning into these learnings. Finding and articulating the lessons and integrating them. I’m learning to lean in.